Female Panic

You’re a holy yeshiva bochur, you’ve gone 3 days without seeing a woman, now you have to go to CVS for some narishkeiten, what do you do?

The life of a yeshiva bochur revolves around controlling thoughts that lead to illegal erections. A quality yeshiva bochur will do everything he can to not see or think of any woman so that his out of control hormones don’t do what they’re designed to do and beg for release after his roommates have fallen asleep. He will stay within the holy walls of the yeshiva building or campus for as long as he can hold out without going postal, whenever he thinks of a woman he’ll start to furiously scratch his non-existent beard, shuckle like the late Mirer rosh yeshiva on a bad day and scream out some words of gemarah in an effort to convince both himself his chavrusah that he’s truly a yorei shomayim, and of course to banish the seductress, or his sister, from his mind.

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