The Frum Satire Guide to Shemona Esrei

I have written extensively on the ways people daven, judging them by the ways they pronounce things and the movements they make. Heck, I’ve written and done comedy routine videos on the most skipped parts of davening and why that is, but I’ve never actually written about the davening itself. Now I know that some of you are going to get those tzitzis of yours in a bunch, but take a moment to pull that kishke out of your tuches, or simply leave the page if my making fun of our sacred prayers is too much for you to handle. Hang around and you may actually learn something.

I know this is going to sound cliche, but Shemona Esrei is my kind of prayer. You lock yourself into a little space in the corner of shul, next to your car or on the top of a mountain and go talk to God. This is one of those scheduled talks, this is not one of those situations where your screaming at God and giving him the finger. The prayers are all planned out, we say it three times a day and if you aren’t careful it can get pretty repetitive. A few years ago I decided that anyone who davens with kavannah and doesn’t know what they’re saying is full of crap. How can you plead with God of all people if you have no idea what you’re pleading?


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