Imagine an Off The Derech Utopia

Imagine a Neo Hasidic community, where you can believe in evolution, the Big Bang and the FSM, you can play basketball, football and hockey, wear a t-shirt, jeans and Rashi-gatches, unlimited masturbation, loads of kishka, kugel and cholent, you can eat lobster on Yom Kipur and pizza on Pesach, you can have premarital relationships and sex, you can listen to Miley Cyrus and Jay-Z, you can watch HIMYM, the super bowl and NCIS and be a Bill Maher and Richard Dawkins fan, you can be an actor/actress, rock star or model.

You can go without a cowboy hat or shtreimel and with a square back and razor-shaved beard and use facebook and the internet on shabbos while singing zmiros by a plate of chicken soup, any sexual/gender orientation will be accepted as equal and hasidic rebbes will officiate gay marriages, you can go to a jacuzzi after your period or opt out of a mikva membership altogether, you can be a moser and sexual abuse is not tolerated, you can eat pork and cockroaches and drink wine that a schvartze defiled, you can marry shiksas and shkutzim and you can have mixed synagogues, female rabbis, elected-by majority clergy, a close-knit community and free coffee.


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