Shabbos Showers

It usually starts like this: You run around Friday afternoon trying to fit in all the important stuff you need to do before shabbos, like buy beer, go to the library, and pick up the cleaners. You get home with an hour and a half left to 1) grab a piece of kugel, 2) check out the new simpsons, 3) take a shower, 4) shave, 5) get dressed, 6) have a last minute cigarette, and head off to shul, the time carefully approximated in your head. You’re on schedule, taking your shower, when suddenly you’re blindsided.

You hear the pipes going a split second before it happens, your brain barely has enough time to register an attack, and suddenly the water changes to freezing rain. You jump out of the way and try to make it hotter, but you go a micron too far, and now it’s a lava storm. You just slap the faucet off as fast as you can, and somewhere in the back of your mind, a deep voice goes “Ding! Shower battle engaged.”

The best way to handle this is shock and awe. You put your soap on and turn the dial to super hot without getting in. You wait two seconds for the other shower warrior to turn his all the way up, and then spin yours back to normal. Now he turns off his flamethrower water and you get to go in as long as you can.


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